he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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