if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Randomize
