i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you would pick up someone in the library
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He shit in the fireplace
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
