When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sorry about my life...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
