he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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