Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
one might say we're banned from that church
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
