I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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