I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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