I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
