I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
