im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Life without a bra equals bliss.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
