I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
