cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
