Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
