We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
