Jerry, you need to find god
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
