I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
