it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
