If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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