yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
