This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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