therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This baby is an asshole
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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