i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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