Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
