Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
