I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
