I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
