90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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