Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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