I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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