So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They took my balls.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
