There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she looked like the before picture.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I need moral support for this bender
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
