1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
