i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
