VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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