I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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