Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
