Just mADE A PArabola og urine
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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