I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
