I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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