Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
