is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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