How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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