honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
