That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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