feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
