Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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