Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
