I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
