I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
