I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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