I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
