It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
